im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
