Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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