Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
