if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
operation have a gay friend backfired
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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