Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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