so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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