Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
