I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
