You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I am available for nakedness
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
