I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
