I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you mean i was at the winter classic?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
