Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
