Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
