Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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