that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
