Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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