I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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