if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
