like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
