ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
How external is "for external use only"?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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