I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
