and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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