I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We are two peas in an std pod
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
