I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
