I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
