If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I pour the whiskey from now on
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
