I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
