Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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