i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
