i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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