overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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