I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
