ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
