I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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