Three words: puerto rican gang bang
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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