I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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