I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
