She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
