Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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