you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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