Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
