Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
