I faked an abortion last night.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
