I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
