so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
