dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
