Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
