I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
