Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
