Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
