I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
