i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
