Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
