I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
